The Happiness Factor

How many times did something happen in your life when you were convinced you would never be happy again? When was the last time you were hit with myoneural pain and thought you would never be free of it again? When was the last time you were convinced that the MindBody program was baloney?

And how did it happen that pain disappeared and happiness crept back in the door and all was well again, whether it was physical or psychological?

Martin Seligman, Family Professor of Psychology and Director of the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania and author of “Authentic Happiness (Free Press 2002), has spent decades researching positive psychology and argues that happiness can be practiced, obtained and mastered by minding our thoughts from moment to moment. Sounds like his decades of research support and/or reinforce the Tensior Myoneural Program.

Research shows that we do have a happiness gene and that 50 percent of a person’s inclination for happiness is genetically determined. You actually have a “set point” for happiness just like you have a “set point” for body weight. “You can fluctuate within a range but it’s hard to go much higher or lower,” points out Sonja Lyubomirsky, professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of California, Riverside and author of The How of Happiness (Penguin 2008), a book of strategies backed by scientific research that can be used to increase happiness. Only about 10 percent of your happiness is determined by circumstance. But according to Lyubomirsky, that leaves 40 percent that can be influenced by deliberate activities or strategies.

Reprogramming your Thoughts and Emotions

When physical or emotional negativity arises, you must act as your own therapist, refuting negative thoughts and views. When you catch yourself “catastrophizing” about an issue, stop the pessimistic thoughts in their tracks and reprogram what you’re telling yourself. For instance, if you begin to think, “I will live in pain for the rest of my life,” then you must take control and talk sense to yourself, such as, “Have I ever been free of pain? Yes. Is there something psychological going on that I need to look at? Perhaps. Is there anything seriously wrong with my body if I have MBS? No.”

By arguing with yourself, you can separate fact from fiction. You can learn to disarm pessimism and free yourself from feelings of worthlessness, fatigue, fear, guilt, anger, anxiety, shame pain and other emotions and symptoms. You can control not only your moods but your pain levels. You can choose happiness over physical or psychological discomfort.

“At first you might feel embarrassed or self-conscious to talk to yourself,” points out Dr. Howard Schubiner, author of Unlearn Your Pain (Mind Body Publishing 2010), “but I’ve found these affirmations to be amazingly successful for defeating MBS.”

Continues Dr. Schubiner, “Tell your mind to stop producing the symptoms immediately. Do this with force and conviction, either out loud or silently. Take a few deep breaths and move on with what you’re doing.” If you are faced with constant, chronic pain, you will need to rebut your erroneous beliefs repeatedly. “Even if you don’t see results initially,” encourages Dr. Schubiner, “keep practicing–it may take some time to retrain your brain.” Remember, you are taking control of your life this way.

Dan Baker, PhD, a medical psychologist, pioneer in positive psychology, and author of What Happy People Know: How the New Science of Happiness Can Change Your Life for the Better (Rodale 2003), says a lot of people think you can’t manage emotion but that’s poppycock. “Happy people are very good at managing emotion,” he says. He lost his infant son and used his own techniques to put his personal grief in perspective. Happiness, he says, is the ability to practice appreciation and love. That might sound sappy, but studies show that when people engage in appreciative activity, they are using more neocortical, prefrontal functions–higher level brain functions.”

The late professor Michael Argyle, a social psychologist who studied happiness and published The Social Psychology of Leisure (Penguin Books 1996), put forth the view that the best guarantee for long-term happiness was “serious leisure.” He advocated a hobby or activity that involved the “whole being” such as reading, music, travel or even housework “so long as the individual finds the activity challenging or absorbing.” I can understand this philosophy. I find when I’m engaged in an activity with my whole being, I am far less conscious of pain and stress. It’s very important for people with Mindbody disorders to engage in activities that bring pleasure. You must “get on” with your life rather than wallow in your pain and fear.

Minding your thoughts from moment to moment can bring happiness. “We’ve found that happy people tend to be more creative, productive, charitable, socially engaged–the very qualities that can help them get out of an oppressive situation,” says Lyubomirsky.

When You Have Pain On The Run

An interesting aspect of TMS/MBS is when pain symptoms move about.

You’ve worked diligently to rid yourself of back pain or another menacing pain that has been disrupting your life. You’ve repudiated the diagnoses that structural damage is the reason for your pain. You’ve journaled your feelings, engaged daily in successful self-talk, read testimonies of others who overcame TMS/MBS and studied and learned as much as possible about this syndrome. But without warning, excruciating knee pain takes you down. The pain is so bad, you can’t walk. What the heck is going on?

When one pain is exchanged or substituted for another, it’s called ‘symptom substitution’. Without understanding this new twist, fear about your health rears its ugly head.

But wait. What this means is that you are still experiencing a neurological/physiological response to stress. You took control of your brain, but now the brain, like a small child pushing the envelope, is trying to protect you by developing pain in another area. The brain doesn’t give up easily. It’s dedicated to protecting you. Symptom substitution merely means that there is more work to be done in understanding and overcoming TMS/MBS.

I was in the grips of symptom substitution recently, and it took me a few weeks to figure it out. I had resolved my fear about falling into a deep sleep at night. I was sleeping much better for several weeks when suddenly numbness and tingling in my neck, shoulders, arms and hands started waking me every 1.5 to 2 hrs at nighttime. It was painful and annoying like when your arm or leg or foot falls asleep and the pressure on the nerve pathways stop the nerves ability to transmit electrochemical impulses properly.

Last week the symptom substitution theory popped into my thoughts, and I realized that the numbness and tingling that was waking me every 1.5 to 2 hrs each night started when I received an email from the condo association, telling us that a convicted sex criminal was living in the apartments next door to our condos.

Without my conscious awareness, I had became afraid to fall into a deep sleep once again. My brain, bless its heart, was trying to protect me by waking me multiple times throughout the night with numbness and tingling in the arms and shoulders to prevent me from falling into a deep sleep in case I needed to protect myself from a break-in.

As soon as I realized I was caught in an undertow of symptom substitution, the problem subsided. At this point, I once again engage in self-talk before falling asleep, reassuring myself that my doors are locked and I am safe. Although I still suffer a little numbness and tingling, I have resumed sleeping until about 3:00 am or 3:30 am and then until early morning which is 90 percent better than it was before I identified the need for the tingling, numbness and wakefulness. When I put my brain on notice that I understood the symptom substitution, it backed off.

According to Dr. Schubiner, symptoms substitution is a good sign because “you’ve got your pain on the run,” he explains. Recovery from MBS/TMS lies in awareness and education.

The Price of Being Nice: Do You Suffer From Caretaker Personality Disorder

One of the personality traits of those who suffer from tension myoneural syndrome (TMS/MBS) is to be good. Sarno labels us “goodists.” Others in the field might call us people-pleasers. TMS’ers are ‘nice’ people who put others first at the expense of their own physical and emotional health and happiness. We are nice people, but at what price?

According to psychologist Les Barbanell, author of the book, Removing the Mask of Kindness, (Jason Aronson, Inc.; 2006, ISBN-13: 9780765704108) many people-pleasers are suffering from a pathological condition known as ‘caretaker personality disorder’. According to Barbanell, these ‘nice’ people feel unhappy, empty, guilt-ridden, shameful, angry, anxious, afraid of rejection and abandonment and are emotionally and physically exhausted because they are brought up to put the needs of other people ahead of their own.

As Dr. Sarno writes in his book, The Divided Mind,( Regan Books, 2006; ISBN: 0-06-085178-3) “…certain personality traits of those with TMS/MBS make the greatest contribution to the internal emotional pain and anger.” However, it must be remembered that these feelings are repressed in those with TMS/MBS. We are not conscious of them. But we can bring them into the open by using the TMS/MBS techniques.

In one of his columns Dr. Hap LeCrone, (www.haplecrone.com), clinical psychologist in Waco, TX. says the problem with people-pleasers usually comes from “long-held feelings and beliefs of inadequacy going back to childhood and adolescence, when the people-pleaser’s attempts to please parents or caregivers were rejected, made conditional or otherwise unobtainable.”

“Anger, hurt, emotional pain and sadness generated in childhood will stay with you all your life,” explains Dr. Sarno. “Feelings experienced in the unconscious at any time in a person’s life, including childhood, are permanent.” That is why self-talk becomes such an integral part of recovery from TMS/MBS. We can re-train our brain to think and believe differently, thereby, creating new, healthier neural pathways in the brain.

Repeatedly, I was told I was selfish when I was growing up. My present-day dysfunctional people-pleasing behavior is a continual attempt to avoid being labeled or judged as selfish. It’s comical really. The people telling me I was selfish were people who wanted their agendas met, so who really was selfish?

People pleasing includes everything from buckling under to impossible demands to agreeing with a suggestion when we would rather say “no.” Moreover, people-pleasers often become caregivers to everyone from children to elderly parents to hosting family dinners and functions, all the while, pasting on a happy face while wearing ourselves out. We’ll loan our favorite, most expensive dress to a friend when we don’t want to and miss our favorite TV program time and again because our mate or significant other wants to watch a different show. At work we over-commit and try to meet impossible demands and expectations made by our colleagues and superiors.

“They feel the uncontrollable need for the elusive approval of others like an addictive pull,” explained the late Harriet B. Braiker author of The Disease To Please (McGraw-Hill, 2002; ISBN: 0-07-136410-2).

She continues, “Their debilitating fears of anger and confrontation force them to use ‘niceness’ and ‘people-pleasing’ as self-defense camouflage.” We are really hiding our “anger and resentment behind public happy faces,” says the author.

We know repressing our negative feelings can have far-reaching physical and emotional consequences for those who battle TMS/MBS. Pain, out-of-control eating disorders and the myriad other TMS/MBS symptoms can erupt when we least expect them. ‘Nice’ people get sick when we feel responsible–no obligated– to make everyone else happy

I’ve become aware that either I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings so I give in to requests, suggestions and demands. Or I don’t want to deal with anger or confrontation if the other party is displeased with me and doesn’t want to meet my needs. It’s painful to realize that someone doesn’t really care if your needs go unmet. One way to avoid that pain is not to ask for anything or just “go along” with what others want.

This is definitely one of those Catch-22 dilemmas. Not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings or sweeping our needs under the rug can trigger repressed rage within ourselves. But standing up for our wants and needs can trigger another’s rage toward us. We must, then, be willing to assert ourselves if we are to overcome people-pleasing behaviors and the physical or emotional pain of TMS/MBS. This requires work and courage.

Writes Barbanell, “The problem is that being saintly can be deadly. When giving is the reason for living, the person is transformed into a non-person.” People with TMS/MBS must learn that standing up for ourselves is not selfish but more a matter of balancing the needs of others with our own needs in a mature interaction. We must bring our actions into balance.

I can hear some people now denying that they are enraged about pleasing others but “consciously, we rationalize, unconsciously, we are enraged,” says Dr. Sarno.

“If you are the caretaker type and always worrying about your family, friends and relatives, these drives will also make you furious inside because that’s the way the mind works,” explains Sarno. “The suppressed anger is internalized and becomes part of the reservoir of rage that brings on TMS.”

To stop being a people-pleaser we must find the courage to deal with the possibility of confrontation and anger directed at us. And we must be convinced that we deserve to have our needs and desires met in balance with others. Otherwise, we’ll fall by the wayside every time.

Our old standby is self-talk. We need to tell our brains that we deserve to have our needs and desires met and believe it. Again, it’s a matter of finding a way to be responsive to the needs of others without abandoning our own needs. The next time we think we “should” do something, transform the words into “I think” or “I want.” We must dare to join the human race and stand up for ourselves if we are ever going to kick the habit of people-pleasing and TMS.

Once we give up our addictive people-pleasing behavior, we will no longer carry the suppressed rage about having to please others. And without the internal, repressed rage, TMS/MBS symptoms will subside and dissipate.

Video with Dr. John Sarno

Below is a video with Dr. John Sarno, explaining his theory of tension myoneural syndrome, formerly called tension myositis syndrome. What I found fascinating was the woman who suffered for 35 years with pain and is now pain free using Dr. Sarno’s methods.

In Nov 2006 I suffered excruciating back pain and had an MRI of the lower spine. I was scheduled to see a surgeon who requested another MRI to check out the possibility of a herniated disc in the thoracic area. The combined MRI’s showed the following structural problems?

Herniated disc at T11-T12, pushing backward toward the spine.
L1-L2, herniated disc, piece of disc broken off and missing.
L2-L3, Mild bulging disc with spinal stenosis
L3-L4, Migration with slipped disc L3 over L4, both discs bulging and pressing on nerves
L4-L5, Bulging disc pushing on 2 nerve roots, more on the right than the left. (I had surgery on the left in 1981).
L5-S1, bulging disc on left.

My doctor concluded I had a high threshold for pain to be walking around with all those structural abnormalities. He warned, “Don’t fall.” I was terrified to move.

I was scheduled for major back surgery Feb 7 (my birthday), 2007. The surgeon would replace the discs with man-made material that looked very similar to corkscrews or springs, then fuse the entire lower part of the spine.

Studies report that the MRIs of many people show abnormalities and degenerative changes like mine but without pain. They had no idea their back had bulging or herniated discs. All of which begs to ask the question how these structural abnormalities could cause pain at all?

Thankfully, my personality didn’t click with the surgeon’s personality, and by the next day, I had canceled the surgery. Two months later I took Dr. Howard Schubiner’s mindbody program in Southfield, MI.

I continue to be grateful that I didn’t go through extensive back surgery, which, I might add, would have required two years of healing. In theory, since my back pain is myoneural, surgery would not have been a permanent fix.

I hope this video offers you a clearer idea of Dr. Sarno’s work and offers hope for a pain-free existence.

Making Pain Disappear

Recently, a reader wrote to ask if I were pain free. She had been struggling with pain for decades and was looking for hope. I hope this post might help her and many others, too.

I admire those who integrate MBS/TMS concepts so fully, their pain disappears merely by learning about it. As Dr. John Sarno points out, large numbers of people have “cured” themselves by doing nothing more than reading his books.

For the most part, that has not been my experience, although I’ve had some pain disappear and later realized that the pain, like a flame, was extinguished without knowing exactly when it disappeared. I will explain this more fully below. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to ridding ourselves of MBS/TMS pain. I am not pain-free, but I can offer hope because in a two month time frame, my pain has decreased measurably.

Before I explain about the disappearance of pain, I want to note that I am working the program for both pain challenges and overeating issues. What I find is problems often overlap. If you are using the program to resolve problems in more than one area, you might find you can cut several blades of grass with one artistic swipe. It might all work together.

in December 2009 when I saw my primary physician, I suffered all-over body pain, lethargy, and much depression. I was miserable and had lost hope … again. I blamed the problems on my pain–back and other structural abnormalities–seasonal effective disorder (SAD), the weather and its barometric pressure plus more. I felt totally out of control and helpless. I bought a light therapy box for the SAD and switched to an anti-depressant that has a history of helping better with pain, all in the hope I could pull myself out of the dregs.

Ironically, the anti-depressant medication raised my blood pressure and caused so much fatigue, I started taking three hour naps in the afternoon. Six weeks later, I’m off the anti-depressant, my blood pressure is normal again, and I can say my pain is in the background.

Moreover, I am sleeping better due to less pain in my knees, hips, back, neck and shoulders, and because I used the MBS/TMS approach to uncover a psychological trauma (thoughts) that had continued to make me feel unsafe even though that particular war was over years ago. I’ve written about the latter psychological MBS success in an earlier post. My feeling of safety while I sleep continues today.

Six weeks ago I decided to single out the muscle pain and work on that alone and not worry or think about all the other body pain. Prior to segregating the muscle pain from the other pain, I would brood if I noticed some pain had lessened but other pain lingered. I was throwing the baby out with the bathwater, thinking the program didn’t work, or I was failing the program simply because I wasn’t rid of all pain. That “all or nothing” thinking is typical of the perfectionistic personality trait found in those who suffer MBSTMS.

Instead, I decided that if I could rid myself of the muscle pain using MBS/TBS techniques, life could be richer. I stopped worrying about the other pain. I even decided that it would be OK if I were never pain free.

Now, I want to share this amazing story of what happened last week when pain mysteriously disappeared. Shopping, especially grocery shopping, is one of the biggest challenges for those living with pain. it requires me to be on my feet/structure more than usual. Bringing the groceries into the house and putting them away require lifting and bending all of which can exacerbate pain. As a result, I have dreaded that chore.

The day I decided to grocery shop, I woke up feeling good. Ironically, by the time I meandered down one aisle at the grocery store, my back pain was over the top. I was hunched over, leaning to one side to alleviate the pressure on my spine, grasping the handle of the cart as if it were my very legs. I wondered how I would ever finish the shopping, my pain was so intense.

Then I stopped and asked, “What’s going on? How could I possibly be in so little pain before I entered this store yet in such excruciating pain after only five minutes?”

The answer came quickly and it was twofold. First, I was surrounded by items that looked and smelled tempting, but items I felt were forbidden because I am using the MBS/TMS techniques to change the neural pathways of my brain regarding food and eating. I want to lose weight, and I want to change my self-defeating thoughts and actions about food. One way to do that is to eat less and train my brain to stay on a healthy path.

For instance, my 2010 rule is that I don’t eat between meals. That is how I started this new approach to eating, and that is the approach I am still using today, two months later. Nothing more, nothing less. By following that guideline, I am, in fact, physically changing the neural pathways of my brain by training my brain to act and react differently, regarding food.

While grocery shopping, I was surrounded by a variety of good and evil. Every aisle was a forbidden row of tempting food. It was psychologically painful to stand in the middle of all that good stuff and have to say “no” to so much availability. It brought up feelings of psychological deprivation. That was the pain I didn’t want to feel. The pain that showed up, however, was physical back pain.

That is when I reminded my brain how much I wanted to drop some pounds and live a healthier lifestyle. That knowledge is all it took. The resolve became primary and the feelings of deprivation became secondary. The next time I thought about pain I was in the fourth aisle, realizing that my excruciating back pain had disappeared from my mind for at least 15 minutes. It was amazing even to me. As soon as I uncovered the true reason for my pain, the brain gave up the game.

Simultaneously, I realized that for decades I have expected to have pain when I grocery shop. My life has revolved around pain since 1981 when I injured my back and underwent unsuccessful back surgery. I expect to have pain during certain situations like I expect the flowers to bloom in spring and the grass to turn green in the summer. After peeling away the layer of unawareness, I told myself it didn’t have to be that way any longer. Now I have an opportunity to think differently and achieve different results. Now, I can hold different expectations and observe what happens. Now, I can choose to expect no pain.

Instead of lumping all your pain (or other problem areas) in one, big bucket, thinking you have to rid yourself of it all at once, how about breaking it down into manageable parts, then working on one area at a time? You might be surprised to find that various pain disappears merely by setting a goal, then refusing to worry about it one minute longer.

Remember, MBS/TMS is a psychological disorder with physical symptoms. Do not become intoxicated with your pain. do not give your pain more attention than it deserves. Let it go. Rather, think psychologically when you feel the physical sear of pain. Without attention it can disappear like whittled wood and you won’t even see it slip away.

What MBS/TMS is Not

A funny thing happened to me on the way to recovery. The day after I wrote about how advantageous it is to become more active, I woke up with acute, throbbing pain in a red, swollen foot on which I could not walk. The foot is a common place for MBS/TMS.

I was stunned, confused, and baffled. The timing seemed too consequential NOT to be mindbody. Yet, I tried every which way without success to make a mindbody connection. I was driving myself crazy trying to figure it out. I kept thinking my mind must be protecting me against the fear of hurting myself from increased activity. Yet, the foot pain was exactly like gout pain, and it was getting worse, not better.

I’ve had a history of gout for which I take medication to prevent attacks. Gout is often related to an inherited abnormality in the body to process uric acid. It definitely looked and felt like gout. On the third day when it was worse, I called my primary physician who recommended an anti-inflammatory. That is helping and I’ve decided I am, indeed, in the throes of a gout attack which is not MBS/TMS. In fact, I remember a man who was in Dr. Schubiner’s classes in 2007 who suffered gout, and the doctor specifically told us gout was not mindbody.

As I pondered what might have triggered this attack, I remembered that about 4 weeks ago, I went several days without my gout medication. I wondered if, perhaps, I didn’t need it. I took my sweet time about picking up a prescription. Then, last week I think I might have accidentally forgot to put that Rx in my weekly pill container. Even though the time of the attack was uncanny, I believe I have gout, not a mindbody reaction.

All of which brings me to the point of deciphering what is and what is not MBS/TMS. According to Dr. Schubiner, a mindbody condition is not: tissue breakdown in the body, cancer, heart disease or hot, swollen joints. My foot and toe joint were definitely hot, red, and swollen.

If you cannot associate a symptom with an emotional trigger in your life, and you experience the above physical abnormalities, the chances are great that you are not suffering from MBS/TMS.

I realize this adds to the confusion of figuring out MBS/TMS. But, on the other hand, it is a reminder that not all physical ailments are mindbody. Understanding mindbody disorders is a process that takes time. Don’t get discouraged. It takes practice and more practice until you fully understand yourself and your body. But in the end, won’t it be worth it?

Move Your Fears

Mindbody (MBS/TMS) pain can be excruciating. As a result, we stop moving our bodies due to pain and fear of injury. But it’s important to know that exercise and movement will not physically hurt us. In fact, moving our bodies helps overcome yet another mindbody fear.

That is not to say the body pain isn’t real. It’s very real. Stress and emotional reactions (conscious and unconscious) lead to vasco-constriction which, in turn, diverts blood flow away from varied muscles, tendons, and nerves. This shift in blood flow causes the tissues in these sundry areas to receive less oxygen, triggering spasm and pain. For many the pain can feel like the throb of a nerve.

This vascular-constriction can take place from the head to the feet, from the back to the abdomen, from the elbows to the knees. For example, migraine headaches, from which I suffered from age 12 to age 46, are due to a process that produces vascular-dilation, then vascular-constriction to the head. Anyone who has suffered migraines knows the pain and sickness of these headaches.

But those of us who suffer mindbody pain must realize that we will not injure themselves structurally by moving our bodies more. That fear keeps us tottering on the edge of terror. We must resume activities that were once commonplace.

Without a doubt, MBS/TMS pain originates in the mind not in the muscles, tendons, nerves and body. This is when we engage in self-talk. The thought of moving more feels like jumping off an 80 foot cliff into the water, but in reality, we must take control and let our mind know that movement and exercise will not hurt us and will give us the confidence needed to overcome this condition.

Once again, our brain is trying to protect us from injury, but the brain is simply wrong about movement. We need to move to get better. Activity will cause our fears to scurry into oblivion like a nightmare at dawn. We must find the courage to stand up to our fears.

However, we can’t “exercise”, thinking it will rid us of MB pain. Exercise will never permanently “fix” mindbody pain. It can help our bodies function more efficiently, but pain or overweight from eating disorders (as discussed in the last post) will return if we have not found peace in our mind.

It can’t be denied that exercise, increased movement, and decreased consumption of food burns fat and helps our organs function more productively. The end result of exercise usually finds us feeling more vibrant and energetic. We all know intellectually that exercise and movement are good for the body. (Please listen to the YouTube video below as I think you will find it very helpful).

But losing weight based solely on exercise or increased activity is almost always temporary. Have you ever wondered why so many people lose weight on a diet and exercise regimen, only to regain their lost weight plus more in the end? It’s because they haven’t “fixed” their “thinking.” Just like mindbody pain, permanent changes in mindbody eating disorders lie in changing our thinking, then living from that transformed arena to change the neural pathways in the brain.

In short, the concept that we must get up and move more is difficult to digest for those whose body hurts. But its a necessary part to mindbody healing. We don’t want to rush off to run a 5K if we’ve been a couch potato for months, especially if we suffer with fibromyalgia. Our muscles are week, deconditioned and need to slowly be reconditioned or we’ll exacerbate our pain and become discouraged in the program.

Most experts suggest you walk a few steps the first day, then slowly increase it from steps to a block within time. Walk only one block for a week and then increase it to one and one-half blocks or two blocks and so on. Start slowly and take it slowly. But make yourself move with the knowledge that overall mindbody pain will not hurt you structurally. In fact, it will help because that is one more way to overcome mindbody fears that hold you back.